ENTITLEMENT
DEFINITION:
- You feel the world owes you.
- You feel your “stuff or status” makes you a superior person
- You believe that everything will be easy and be given to you. When situations i.e. competitions, relationship, jobs, goals become difficult you quite.
- You do not believe in hard work.
- You don’t take responsibility for your failures. It is always someone else’s fault.
CREATION
The Beginning of the ME, ME, ME Generation
- There was a focus on self-esteem in the 1970s. Tell your kids they are wonderful, even if they are not. Instead of improving self-esteem we boosted narcissism.
- The incidence of narcissistic personality disorder is nearly three times as high for people in their 20s as for the generation that’s now 65 or older, according to the National Institutes of Health.
- Social media like SnapChat and Instagram allows us to feed the Me Generation. Look at me, look my extraordinary life.
OVER-PRAISED – Receiving a participation ribbon for just showing up for the game, or telling a singer who sings like a cat in a dishwasher that they are amazing, feeds the “I’m special” attitude.
- We see individual’s standing on the American Idol stage embarrassing themselves in front of millions of people, having no idea why the judges don’t understand their awesomeness.
- Children are getting praised for things that are not praiseworthy.
- Praise should be for effort and not talent. i.e., You worked hard on that project. I am proud of you for your effort.
- If we praise children for the wrong things they believe that life will be easy.
RESCUE 101 – There is no accountability for behavior. The adult doesn’t want the child to feel discomfort or have their self-esteem hurt, so they come to the rescue.
Examples:
Iced – – the number of children who come to the school office is unbelievable. You only need ice when there is swelling. Parents are enabling this behavior by putting the expectations for ice on the teachers. The teachers are enabling this behaviour by sending the kids to the office for the ice. BUILD RESILIENCY.
Mitts and Gloves – There was a meeting for the grade 8 ski trip – There were parents who were concerned. They wanted to know who would make sure their grade 8 child would out their mitts and hat on. REALLY!
VAPING – A grade 6 students was caught vaping in the bathroom. The consequence was a suspension. The boy’s dad came into the school to argue against the suspension. The dad’s comment to the principal as, “Can you prove that vaping in Canada is illegal?” Whether it’s illegal or not – YOU DON’T VAPE IN SCHOOL!
THE “C” Word – A boy called a girl the “C” word. The mother of the boy argued that it wasn’t the “C word. It as the “B” word. The mother was actually trying to downgrade the severity of the word. Whether it was the “C” word or the “B” word it is still WRONG!
Rescuing creates an attitude of – “I can do anything I want. There are no consequences.” But the reality is their are real consequences in the real world. The wrong attitude sets children up for failure. If you don’t go to class in university you forfeit your tuition and are kicked out of school.
CREATED THE FACADE
Our decisions revolve around seeking pleasure or avoiding pain. Entitled people seek self-esteem or pleasure through their stuff.
The entitled person needs “Things” to validate their inflated self-esteem. But it is an illusion. The person appears cool and confident on the outside, but is actually insecure and requires constant validation. Their outside doesn’t watch the outside.
The entitled person layers themselves with brand names. They purchase a hoodie that costs $800 that is no better than the $40 Walmart top. They have bought into believing the top is a vehicle that boosts status, popularity and the cool factor. What they really have done is been suckered. They have bought into the hype and bought a product that is overpriced has no real power.
EXAMPLE – OFF-WHITE
The adult that needs the fancy car or big house as these items are wrapped up in their ego/self worth.
“I’m going into my $100,000 Lexus.” – Making this statement reflects the relationship between having expensive items and status.
Appearance also comes into the picture. If you are good looking you are more valuable than if you are average looking. If you are skinny you are cooler than if you are heavy.
We are sold teeth whiteners, diets that don’t work, clothes that are overpriced, age reducing makeup that is expensive and plastic surgery. We are made to believe that are appearance is tied into or self-worth. Looks fade and become secondary when it comes to what really matters.
THE EFFECTS OF ENTITLEMENT
- You want what you want now! You are not willing to wait or to earn it.
- You quite a job when it gets too hard.
- You lose jobs because you can’t do the hard work.
- You are always looking for the next best thing to feed your self-esteem and are never satisfied.
- You fail at relationships with friends and partners.
- You do not set goals or achieve them
- You suffer from depression, anxiety, anger.
- You end up in a Groundhog day scenario – You eat breakfast, go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed and REPEAT
- You never reach your full potential – you become comfortable and complacent.
- By saying “I deserve” you giving the responsibility of your happiness to others
- You are not happy.
THE NEW PLAN
People take the easy road that stifles growth. Hard work promotes growth, development and the achievement of goals.
Andrew Tinnish, recruiter of the Blue Jays told me its not all about the talent. It’s your ability to work hard, your dedication to school and your ability to inspire the team.
There is a feeling of satisfaction when you work hard at something and achieve it. Or you work hard at saving your money and you buy something. It feels great and you add value to yourself and meaning to what you achieve.
“Hard work today to avoid the heartache of tomorrow.”
Entitled people don’t invest in the future by doing the hard things: saving money for retirement, not eating the donut and chicken wings, working on relationships, personal development, spiritual development, physical development – Paul Mandelfino story
Solution
Andrew Tinnish story – It’s more than talent: it’s your character, work ethic, ability to work the team and dedication to your team that seals the deal.
- Reality check – realize that anything worth achieving requires hard work – “No pain, no gain.”
- There is a feeling of satisfaction when you work hard and achieve.
- You grow personally.
- Develop self-discipline – we are the hardest to lead. Self-discipline will lead you to accomplishing your goals – weight loss, getting a great career, secure amazing friends
- Character development – this is what will matter because people will see through your facade eventually
- Create a plan and write it down of what you want in life. Most people don’t succeed in life because they either don’t know what they want or don’t have a plan.
- Seek friends that will empower you to succeed and not enable you to become entitled – friends keep you on track
- Define your values your goals your cool – grade 4 bully club story
- You become golden when you create a great work ethic – you attract great opportunities
- Invest in the future – money, health, education, character
Realize that you will fail, but failure can be used to learn and grow and achieve.
Be intentional to change. Set your sights on what is important.
You attract who you become, so become what you are destined to be.
